


this is where we end

by avarry



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, M/M, basically an excuse for me to make a happy ending less happy, mentions of past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 16:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16245122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avarry/pseuds/avarry
Summary: Jun lies awake listening to Sehyoon’s heartbeat.





	this is where we end

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Waiting All Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14039568) by [strawberryjunhee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryjunhee/pseuds/strawberryjunhee). 
  * Inspired by [Waiting All Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14039568) by [strawberryjunhee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryjunhee/pseuds/strawberryjunhee). 



> obviously i love Waiting all night (seriously, if you haven't read it, go ahead and do it. while you're at it, check out other strawberryjunhee's stories because they are amazing) and this is my take on what happened after. an alternate universe. a what-if. or basically, as the tag suggests, an excuse for me to make a perfectly happy ending less happy.
> 
> and you won't understand this if you don't read Waiting All Night first. actually read the whole the routine of love series for this to make more sense.

When Chan opens the door, he still has his eyes half closed, hair in complete disarray and what looks like a pillow pattern on his cheeks. Jun wants to laugh but he’s too tired to do that, instead he raises a hand in greeting.

He sees the moment Chan recognize him, sees the moment he takes his appearance. He goes from sleepy to alarmed.

“What the hell happened to you?” Chan’s voice is much too shrill this early in the morning. Jun tries for a smile but probably ended up with a grimace instead.

 

Later, he makes sure to call Sehyoon using Chan’s phone, just to remind him of his lunch with his boss, tells him to just leave the key under the mat and that he’ll be home before Sehyoon gets back from his lunch. All the while, Chan looks at him with narrowed eyes but Jun has found his smile and so he brandishes it like an armor to keep Chan from asking any question. It doesn’t make Chan any less worried but he doesn’t voice it so Jun is counting it as a win.

 

When he’s had breakfast, at Chan’s insistence, and has dried his clothes, Jun walks back home. He could’ve taken a cab he knows, but the walk helps him think, helps him settle his heart and his mind so he can do what he has to do next. By the time he opens the door of their apartment, his mind is already made up. When Sehyoon returns home with a smile (one Jun hasn’t seen before) and news that he got the promotion and that he’ll be going on the New York trip for his training, his heart stills.

 

 

“I was worried about you this morning,” Sehyoon tells him as they lie beside each other that night. He curves his lips and gives him the same smile he gave Chan that morning.

“Nothing to worry about.” He presses a kiss on Sehyoon’s lips before he settles beside him, head pillowed on Sehyoon’s chest. Sehyoon doesn’t say anything more. There’s silence, then Sehyoon’s even breathing.

Jun lies awake listening to Sehyoon’s heartbeat.

 

* * *

 

 

The next few days is a flurry of activity. Jun helps Sehyoon pack everything he needs, makes sure he has all his papers and documents. In between, Jun makes sure to kiss him and whisper _I love you_ in his ear. Sehyoon would just smile into the kiss and shake his head, not knowing what to do with his sudden bout of affection.

On the day of Sehyoon’s trip, Jun drives him early in the morning. He sits with him as they wait for the boarding time to draw nearer.

When he’s said the last of his reminders to Sehyoon (Your passport is in the pocket of your bag along with your earphones. There’s a book inside too. Try not to fall asleep too much and read instead. You’ll thank me once you get to New York.), he walks with him but holds on to his sleeves before Sehyoon has a chance to pass thru the departure area.

He steps closer and lets his hands slide on Sehyoon’s chest. He steels himself then looks up. “I recorded a message for you on your phone. But you can only listen to it once you get settled in your hotel ok? Promise you’ll only listen then.” In his head he wanted to play it off as something mischievous but he can’t bring himself to pull that charade so he settles for sincere instead.

“Ok.” Sehyoon presses a kiss to his lips and makes to pull away but Jun can’t help but move closer and drag him in for another kiss. He kisses like it’s the last time they’ll kiss, like a parched man refusing to let go of his only source of water. It’s probably not an appropriate goodbye kiss but Jun wants to be selfish and so he takes and takes and takes, the world be damned.  

Unbidden, he feels tears on his cheeks, tastes it on his lips. When Sehyoon tries to pull away probably to ask what’s wrong, Jun hugs him instead, rests his chin on Sehyoon’s shoulder.

“Hey, I’ll only be gone for a few weeks, a month tops.” Sehyoon’s whispers in his ear. Jun wants to bask in the sound so he doesn’t forget.

He takes a breath and another, calming his racing heart. When he feels the tears dry and his breath even, he whispers, “I love you Sehyoon. I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“I love you too,” Sehyoon replies. Jun closes his eyes.

Overhead, he hears Sehyoon’s flight being called for boarding. Reluctantly, he pulls away. Sehyoon presses a kiss on his cheeks before he turns and steps away, waving at him as he passes thru the gates. Jun watches him go.

 

* * *

 

 

The flight is long but the seats are comfortable enough. The last few days were hectic, documents and packing and everything else he needed for this trip. Just thinking about it makes his head ache, already feeling the tension coil on his shoulders.

Thankfully, Jun packed him a book and charged his phone for him otherwise he would have worked himself into irritation. So he settles in his seat and plays his favorite songs. He lets his mind wander as the beat changes form one song to another. It leads him to think about Jun.

Throughout the preparation for his trip, Jun has been nothing but helpful and affectionate. A part of him feels a bit guilty thinking about the missed dinners and Saturday date. Truly, he’s just thankful that Jun is so understanding. He promises himself that once he’s back home, he’ll spend a whole day just doing what Jun wants, whether it be watching Netflix the whole day or visiting the amusement park. That reminds him of Jun’s recorded message on his phone. Part of him wants to listen to it now, but Jun’s quiet voice as he makes him promise to only play it once he gets settled in the hotel halts his finger from pressing play. He wants to know, curiosity already piqued, but it’s the least he can do for Jun even though Jun isn’t even there to see it. And so instead, he closes his eyes and wills himself to sleep.

The sky is dark when he finally lands in New York. The air is cold, making his teeth chatter. He puts on the scarf Jun made for him last Christmas and insisted he bring it with him. He hears Jun’s voice as he tells him “ _It’s going to be cold when you land and you wouldn’t want to catch a cold on your first day of training right?”_ The thought makes him smile.

New York is as beautiful as he imagined it. The lights are bright and the billboards a splash of color on his window as the company car takes him to the hotel he’ll be staying in for the entire training. Sehyoon also realizes how vast New York is. It’s true what he told Jun that Friday when he told him about this trip. Sehyoon wants to clear things up which means he needs to see Byeongkwan. He doesn’t know where to begin but he’ll make the most of his stay here.

His hotel room is surprisingly nice. The bathroom is spacious and clean, the bed soft and big, too big just for him. When he looks at the clock on the bedside table, he sees it’s already 1:00 A.M. He has his first day of training later at seven which only gives him a couple of hours of sleep. Still, he doesn’t feel tired. He just realizes why Jun insisted he read instead of sleep on the plane. He’d slept so much earlier, he doesn’t know if he can sleep again. He needs to try to get rest still. And so, he freshens up and settles on the bed, fiddling with his phone until his eyes grow tired. As he goes thru his apps, he remembers Jun’s recording. It’s nearly  ten minutes long. With a smile, he puts on his earphones and presses play.

 

* * *

 

_Hi love._

Sehyoon smiles.

_I guess that’s the last time I’m gonna be calling you that._

There’s a sense of foreboding in the silence.

Jun’s voice trembles in his ears when he speaks again, broken only by the sounds of sniffles and intakes of breath. Sehyoon wants to reach out and grab Jun’s hands but he remembers that the message is recorded, that whatever he hears now has already passed.

_I know why you’re going to New York and I can’t really blame you for it. Actually, I am happy for you. You deserve that promotion. You’ve worked so, so hard, harder than anyone I know and so it made me wonder why you wanted to go so badly.  I know, it’s training for the promotion, a great opportunity really but… well, first love never dies._

_I know you told me before how you still had feelings for him, how it probably won’t ever go away and I thought, well I thought I could be that person that would make you fall in love again, to believe in love again. Because you were that for me. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love before I fell in love with you. But I guess… I guess I was wrong._

_I would’ve stayed by your side and waited, waited until you finally saw me, loved me, without the shadow of the past hanging over us. But I understand that you needed to go and this is it for us. This is where we end._

There’s a muffled sob and it makes Sehyoon’s heart clench. He hears Jun clear his throat.

_Thank you. Thank you for letting me stay by your side. I know I’m not as bright as Byeongkwan but I’m thankful you let me stay anyway._

_I don’t think I ever told you, but you’re my first love and you taught me so much. I didn’t even think I could ever be that happy or that I’m capable of loving someone this much. My mom told me once that when you’re in love, truly in love, that love doesn’t stay the same, that it grows every single day. I didn’t understand it before, how can you call it love when your heart isn’t filled with that person from day one. But now, now I understand it a little better._

_Whenever I see you, every single day I wake up beside you, your heartbeat in my ears, your face still slack in sleep, even when your mouth is wide open or even when you snore, I marvel at the reality that you’re right there, that you’re with me. Every day I spend beside you, I see you grow brighter and brighter still and my heart sometimes threatens to burst with so much affection I can’t contain it. My only regret is never telling you._

_I was never really good with words. I wish I could’ve put it into words how beautiful you are. Not just your face, even though that’s beautiful too, but you. You as a person. You have so much passion for the things you love, like art and music. You should hear yourself when you talk. It’s mesmerizing. I could listen to you for days._

_And you’re such a caring person too. Whenever I see you care for your sister and even our friends, my heart probably grows two sizes too big. Even though you try to play it off as being cool._

_Sometimes I wonder how you were before, when you were still with Byeongkwan. I can only imagine you must have been dazzling. You must have always had a big smile on your lips, the kind you had when you told me you got the promotion and will be going to New York. I’ve never seen you smile that way before. I would have loved to meet you with him. I’m sure I would’ve have fallen even harder for you then. Even if you weren't with me, I would’ve been content at seeing you happy_

He hears Jun try to chuckle but it just sounds heartbreaking.

_I guess you’ll have that chance again now. New York is really big, but I do hope you find him. I’d search for his address but I don’t know enough about him to be of much help. But since he likes dancing, maybe start with dance schools and theater companies first? I don’t know. I hope that helps though._

_Maybe fate will bring you together. I really hope it does._

 

An intake of breath. He’s not sure if it’s Jun or him.

 

_Anyway, don’t worry about the apartment, take as much time as you need._

_I’ll be moving out by the end of the week. I’ve found a place and I- it doesn’t matter._

_I’ve paid the rent for this month and the next. I don’t know if you’ll be back soon or... if you’ll ever come back._

_I’ll make sure to drop off the keys at Donghun’s and leave him a note to make sure to check on the apartment every once in a while. I guess you can just talk to him if you decide to stay there._

 

_I’m probably packing when you listen to this. Don’t worry, I won’t touch your CDs and DVDs. You can be very possessive of them. But I hope you don’t mind that I’ll bring The Diary of Frida Kahlo. I just want something to remember you by, something to thumb through until I get over you._

 

_I got you a new copy so you can fill the pages again with all your thoughts and drawings._

_Oh and I won’t forget to clean the fridge and the cupboard. We wouldn’t want a colony of mold in there when… if… you go home._

_I know I could’ve just up and left. Send you an email or something but I guess I want to be selfish one last time. I just want all your attention for a few minutes, for you to remember me for just a little bit longer, a last goodbye before you put me out of your mind, before you find him. And I really do hope you find him. I hope you find your happiness with him. I hope you get all your heart’s desires because you deserve it. I hope-_

A loud exhale of breath.

_I love you Sehyoon. I really do. You don’t even know how much._

In the background he hears himself saying “I’m home,” hears the opening and closing of doors, hears Jun as he forces his breath to even.

He remembers this day, remembers finding Jun in the bedroom, a suitcase open in front of him. His eyes were red but Jun just told him he has a slight cold. He remembers humming and making him a cup of tea in the hopes that it will help. He realizes how blind he was.

_I know it’s unfair that I’m doing it like this but I can’t bear to say these things to you and so I hope you don’t hate me for doing this but you’re such a good person and I know you won’t do it because you don’t want to hurt me so let me do it for you instead._

 

 

 

_Sehyoon, let’s break up._

 

**Author's Note:**

> there. yes. go scream at me if you want @mysehjunheart 
> 
> thanks for reading :DDD


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